Friday, April 08, 2005

The Beard in Wonderland

There are at least 4 inches of snow on the ground and it is still coming down. I wore shorts yesterday and rode my bike. This town has sabotaged my trust in the weather. I thought myself to be pretty in tune with nature. I now see this is completely a delusion. I was absolutely sure the weather had broke and spring was on its way to summer. I very well could have lead the Donner party. I have been duped by God! On the cannibal question; I have thought long and hard, I have read the book and seen the movie of "Survival" I have also been to Donner's pass where there is now a Burger King, it is outside of Tahoe, a very expensive place to buy tire chains, especially when you had left the majority of your navy paycheck with "Circus Circus" and they are required, I would eat another human to survive, let me make this clear - I haven't done the math but I would eat myself if need be, until I was nothing but teeth , brain and stomach. The brain must live, and it is no party without its friends chompers and tummy. So you should all be warned that if we go down together in a plane or get stuck in a life boat, or have a pot to bacon ratio error while camping, while you are wrestling with the moral turmoil of survival v. cannibalism, I will be gathering sage.
I have not had a grown up job in a very long time. I find people like me but I feel they are sometimes, oh I think "frightened" may be the apt word. I think when people talk they are essentially saying "comfort me, comfort me" I have a real hard time with this padded style of communication. How come if I say for instance when a co-worker tells me that he and his ex-wife are reuniting that "the definition of stupid is doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome" why am I the bad guy. I am not trying to hurt someones feelings I just think people should see the whole picture. All of sudden I am "Judgemental" what the hell is this about, what I take from it is that it is okay to judge if everyone is innocent, you hang someone and boom your an asshole. I have a real problem with this mentality in that I know I will never be a great man if I only seek out and get approval, I think life and vocation should foster a good deal of edge walking. I am terrified to think that I don't exist in a real world, but in some sort of fantasy pillow factory where everything I do is completely right or so inconsequential that it inspires nothing but half hearted approval from those around me. Tom I have tried that "Feel, Felt, Found" format and I am a little disappointed in saying it works like a charm. If you are going to do this with a co-worker I recommend you choose one to expirement with, cause this thing is so good it is like magic, and giving it to too many people will make you employee of the month but the cool kids won't talk to you.
My other work faux pas for the week involved a Bobby Knight quote. I work with people who got into medicine when ER was in its heyday. Although the hospital is not fast paced nor the staffed over worked, most of the employees always feel they are "slammed" or "hosed" (which if I am ever in power these will be the last words an employee speaks under my tutelage), they take on the persona of an over worked TV doctor. So last week this guy is going on and on about the shitty ward doc ordering too many things and I say to him in the elevator (which I feel to be the new confessional where a certain amount of immunity should be afforded) that "if rape is inevitable to lay back and enjoy it." I was being sarcastic because this guy is such a fart head, but boom I am insensitive. I was planning to move back to Portland but I don't know if I would succeed there with everyone being so offendable. I may have to move to Montana or a non-english speaking country or just develop a three word sentence policy while at work. By the way I care about patients immensly, I am full of compassion for the ill and their families. Maybe this is the reason I never feeled "hosed" or "slammed".

2 comments:

Package said...

I recommend cultivating a "bemused detachment" when it comes to the personal business of others. Life if full of reversals, advances and retreats- for all of us. Judgment
is inevitable, articulating it is not. Does that make you a pillow loving sheep, or a person who appreciates life's foibles, and knows that "but for the grace of god go I"?

walker said...

Noted

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