David Cross

IT'S OFFICIAL!
Hey everybody, Well, it’s official. I’m healthyish! I turned 40 the other month (I’m not telling which month! I don’t need the whole world to know how old I am!!) and from what I can tell from the late night ads, when you turn 40 you’re supposed to have your shit checked (literally). So I made an appointment to see a reputable doctor (i.e. no Mexicans!). He seemed Jewish enough so off I went. I told him I wanted the whole shebang, blood test, e.k.g., urine, poo – the works. I’ve had friends who’ve done the finger up the asshole test* before and told me about it, and some who’ve done it several times (Mr. Odenkirk!) and they have all enthusiastically recommended it. Okay, I can honestly report that it is no big deal. I didn’t “get off” at all. It was not done in a very sensitive way. A brief warning and a couple seconds of “wiggle” time might have been nice as opposed to some half-assed homophobic joke that’s meant to disarm me, not enough lube, and a violent thrust that made me feel as if I was going to shit his finger out instantly. It felt okay once I got used to it but the first ten minutes were NOT erotic at all. Ladies, I must say that I have learned from this experience profoundly. I will never hurry my cock into your asshole ever. No matter how into it either one of us is. It will be a gentle movement with a slight rocking motion and a pleasant easing in. No more hurried “whoops…sorry”. I know now. I understand. I’ve been there and back. Unfortunately this means no strap-ons for you either.

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This Bob and David website is killing me. It is also robbing my employer of any potential productivity I may have mustered this afternoon.